Like a Man-Lamb tethered to the Space Shuttle floating miles above the competition

[Note: I offer the following as a playful prayer for an end to “personal” branding in real estate]

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I want to do my part to help you. If you want to nail a great brand identity, do this:

Start with Photoshop. Don’t bother reading the manual. The truth is, the more you know, the less apt you are to break rules. And breaking conventional rules is what the real estate branding game is all about.

So download the program and then …

Photoshop an image of your face on things. Fruit. Street signs. Weaponry. Heavy machinery. Farm animals rock too. If by some chance your last name is a noun … home run, man. You can kill two branding birds with one boulder.

Now if by some miracle your name contains both a noun and an adjective – like, say, Matt Mirthful – we’re talking about dominant market share days after you launch your campaign.

As for a slogan, think of it this way: just write the first thing that comes to mind. Forget that stuff about writing, knowing your audience or hiring those Madison Ave.-style admen. It’s not like they can do any better.

Instead, follow your stream of consciousness. Go with things things like:

I will make all your dreams come true. Wake up, text me, consider it done.

Not only am I an amazing agent, I can rock your world all week and twice on Sunday.

I go the extra mile. But that’s it. That’s as far as I take it. JK. I’m so funny.

I possess every righteous trait imaginable. Honest. Sophisticated. I have integrity. I never lie. I speak all languages. I’ve held every job there is so, really, I can do everything you need and I can do it better than anyone who has ever lived. Come to think of it, I am probably the almighty.

There isn’t a deal I can’t close, an offer I can’t negotiate, a price I can’t get, a car I can’t outrun, a mathematical equation I can’t calculate in my head, a family dispute that I can’t resolve. In fact, tomorrow I plan on ending world hunger.

See what I mean? The more out there you get the better. Really. People respond positively to these things.

Think about how much Brylcreem must have spent for their slogan “A little dab’ll do ya.” Give me a break.

Trust me on this people. I’ve seen the future. In it was a Man-Lamb tethered to the Space Shuttle, floating in zero gravity miles above the competition.

Okay, maybe the slogan should have read Light years ahead of the competition. Or maybe just a simple, “Baaaaaaa.”

But still.

So go for it. I think everyone who wants to make millions in real estate should do this. Man, I can’t wait for tomorrow.

– Davison Twitter – @1000wattmarc